Tag: Mind

False fear can spoil your life. Many fears are false or subjective. A man ride his vehicle. He meets an accident. Luckily he survived with small wounds. Next day while driving he gets fear as he may meet accident again. Because of the fear he stops driving. Whenever he try to drive, he gets the driving phobia. This is false fear, it prevents the joy of driving. He has to overcome the false fear, drive normally.

Some time if you see some other getting accident, you may develop a phobia as you too may get accident. This is also a false fear, must be overcome.

Do not get stuck by your failure or fear. Many people quit or give up their study, research, entrepreneurship, and career advancement because of some subjective failure. If you fail in your current project, which is not a verdict as you will fail in rest of the projects.

When I was promoted to Manager, I did well. I received whole hearted support from my management. When I moved to next company, I was not able to perform well as Manager. Due to various office politics, I struggled to be a Manager. Then I started to convince myself as I am not capable of Leading people, I should work as subordinate only, Manager job is a tough, etc. It was a conclusion because of the recent ‘subjective failure’. I forget my past success.

This is actually a false fear. Even there are failures here and there, I have to keep maintaining my position and keep trying to advance it, rather than confining myself within a boundary, due to fear of struggles. Those who are leading, are never stuck by their failure in leading people.

Many executives when promoted to lead people, they may fail to command their sub-ordinates and not having proper chemistry with their superiors. So they may be considered as they are not capable leaders. Even, they may start to convince themselves as they are not. This is a wrong conclusion.

Under a positive situation or different scenario they will perform well. They should not convince themselves as suitable for junior position. They have to keep strive for better position even they are made to fail.

When people fail, they think they can not win for ever. Nothing is permanent. Many failures are subjective. People with lack of awareness believe that failure is permanent. They lead a failure life, even though they are capable of winning.

Identify such false fears. Kill it at the root. Live happily and bravely. This life, human mind, and body are beyond scientific measurements. They can perform any miracle. Just believe you are worthy of how do you like to be.

You may succeed in the past, which is also not a affirmation that you will succeed for ever. So never identify your position by your success and failure. Identify yourself as How do you like to be identified. You deserve what you desire.

Addiction is a very important behavior in human life. It is a way to program our brain. Biological to mental many behavior and many things are happening because of addiction only. With or without our awareness we get addicted to many things. Some addictions are good and some are bad. Some addictions are genetically passed.

Once you are get addicted it is very difficult to give up. You must be well aware of ‘Practical Awareness’ to give up any habit or addiction.

From smoking to going late to office everything is addiction only. There are few people who always come lately to office. Because they addicted to ‘going late’. Even they do not know why they are late.

Some people are always happy and some are always sad. Somebody get friction with colleagues, superior, management wherever they work, they get addicted to office politics. Some people will change their job in short intervals, because they get addicted to ‘Job Hopping’.

I am going to discuss some addictions of ‘Silicon Civilization’, which are waste of time and energy.

Browsing Addiction
Browsing addiction which are major addiction to people who work with internet. More than 90% of the browsing is un purpose. Just a digression from why we start browsing.

Many software related people or anybody with access to internet browse in a useless way. For example, you are a web application programmer. You access internet or browse while programming or searching some technical help. But What do you do when you do not have anything to work, you are in ‘bench’. Even now you browse, without your awareness as why you are browsing.

Do not cheat yourself as studying or learning. If you browse one hour per day for learning which will have great impact in your career positively.

Many time, when I was sitting in front of computer without any work. I watched some feelings in my fingers. Even I do not have any purpose to browse, my fingers tempt to type something move the mouse, search something, finally browsing begins. It is because of addiction. If you are addicted to browsing, you will browse even without any true purpose.

Take an observation when you do not have any work and sitting in front of computer with internet access. No purpose of searching or browsing. Now watch and record all your activities. Many browsing are un-necessary. You land in a gaming site or chatting with a ‘friend’ or viewing porn or listen to music or reading this article or checking your email for 76th time.

When you do not have any work, sit in front of computer and try not to touch the key board and mouse at least for one hour. Now you can feel what is ‘addiction’. Some times without your intention your hands will ply over keyboard. Your mind creates so many flimsy reason to browse.

Empty mind is devil’s workshop is 100% true for programmers in bench and people who browse without any purpose. Try not to touch the keyboard for one hour a day while sitting in front of the computer.

Mobile addiction: Some people can not live without using Whatsupp, Facebook. Addicted to Whatsapp, facebook and keep disturbing others. Without any purpose use their study time and office hours to engage in Whatsapp.

In the same way people addicted to talk over mobile phone. The talk is no-stop. They keep talking, words and words. All are useless. Waste of time. Many people get into problem because of addicted to ‘non stop mobile talk’. For the sake of speaking discussing personal things, gossips, creating rumors, bad comments about others. Moreover speaking in public places, without the awareness that others can listen your speech.

Because of the mobile addiction, mobile phone and telephone networking companies are profiting. I heard a news as leading mobile company proprietor do not use mobile phone personally as not necessary to him. Mobile phone addiction is part and parcel of Silicon Civilization.

Emotional Hijack can be avoided by three ways.

1) Emotional Intelligence Quotient( EQ)

2) Ventilate emotions then and there

3) Unconditional love towards rest of the world.

Emotional Intelligence Quotient(EQ)

EQ is about managing your emotions. You should not be explosive in your emotions. You should be having control over expressing your emotions. Top business management people have high EQ. You can not read the emotions or reactions or feelings of the leaders or successful bosses in the world easily.

People having high Emotional Quotient never get hijacked by emotions.

Ventilate emotions then and there

Ventilating emotions then and there will avoid emotional hijack. You are not bottle necking or suppressing any emotions. Even your negative emotions are emptied after expressing it.

This approach is not possible for all the people.

Suppose in your office, your boss or immediate supervisor irritating you. You are angry because of their tossing. You can not express your anger to them then and there. If you do so, you may loose your job. So you have to suppress it behind a smiling face. Once you go home, you can ventilate the latent anger to your family members in some way.

Only the Bosses or leaders or people with the ability to provide can follow this approach – express your emotions then and there.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love will avoid emotional hijack. You will not have negative feelings to suppress by other’s activity. You treat everybody as your child or kid. So you will not get angry or irritated by other’s behavior towards you. So there is no chance for emotional hijack if you follow unconditional love.

Unconditional love is possible to you when you get rid off your inner negatives. Which is not possible for an average people who are obsessed to dodge wealth, health, pride, and other physical and ego needs.

The best way to avoid emotional hijack out of the three approaches is learn and improve your Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ).

The best example for EQ is Black Mamba character in Kill Bill movie. The role was done by Uma Thurman. I am not aware whether Uma Thurman has EQ or not. But her role in Kill Bill I & II can be an example for having EQ.

When she wake up after bed ridden for several years, she does not express her emotions for loosing her lover and child. She does not cry. Till revenging everybody she does not let her emotions blow out.

Even while facing and fighting with the offenders she did not weep or get angry, but she supposed to be like that.

After killing the boss Bill, she returns to home. She cry for what happened so far in her rest room at the end of the movie while her kid watching TV.

She let her emotions when she decide to ventilate. Such control over emotions is perfect EQ.

Sense of wellbeing is the quality of your living. How we live is more important than how long we live. Till our last breadth, we should be happy and healthy.

Do not think that rich people have sense of well being and poor do not have. Money is not any way related to sense of well being. It may be one of the ingredients to get sense of well being, but not as a whole. Your economic status, social status, and other social tagging are not related to sense of well being.

What is sense of well being? It is a state of mind, which reflects in your action and speech. Sense of well being is entirely depending on the ‘emotional well being’. As long as the employees are having sense of well being their chances of job hopping is less. Relationship breaks due to lack of well being feeling.

Benefits of sense of well being are many. It reduces the aging process. Increase our immunity. It gives a cordial relationship with people around us. Sense of well being is just opposite of stress.

Enemies of Sense of well being

First enemy of sense of well being is stress. Stress can be of many types like work load stress, relationship stress, financial stress, old age stress, and many more. When you have stress you will loose sense of well being and vice versa. Lead a stress free life. Avoid getting stress or learn to relax.

Second thing which kills our sense of well being is our negative feelings or moods. Angry, fear, tension, jealous, urgency, inferiority complex, hesitation, obsessive thought pattern, hate, boring feeling, worries, depression are negative feelings or moods which take away our sense of well being.

Nothing in the universe is in our control, expect our mind. Mind is the only thing we can control. But we try to control outer world rather than inner world. We can avoid loading these negative moods into our head. It is not easy to ignore these feelings, but we can ignore these moods by practice. These negative feelings can influence you, but cannot change a single bit out of you.

If you live without stress and negative feelings, then you can realize what sense of well being is. There is no word to explain what is it? Stress management, mood regulator may be a high self management concepts. There is a simple way to have sense of well being. Which game was interesting to you when you where in childhood or boyhood or when you lived happily. Play that game again. Play with full fun and laugh. Then sense of well being will embrace you. How many of us playing after started to receive salary.

Habit means “A practice which is automated and hard to give up”. A regular tendency or sometimes an urge to be in a mood or do an action.

Habit is one of the features of human mind. The concept of habit is similar to the motion in universe.

There are countless and various types of habits in the world. According to the change of time, habits also change. Watching TV, eating snacks, drinking alcohols, smoking are all ‘known habits’.

There are unknown habits too. Often settle down in a particular ‘mood’, perform actions related to the mood. ‘Habitual Moods’ are unknown habits. We can not perceive it physically.

The reason for making acquaintance with an activity initially may be anything. The often repeated activity soon becomes habit. When an activity becomes habit we will be slave to that habit.

The expense for most of the habits are shooting up in both money and other resources like time, etch. People spend from minor to major portion of their income for their habits.

Giving up a Habit

For giving up a habit we need self control, self discipline, and mental consistency.

All who are trying to give up a habit will not succeed. Very few percentage are succeeding. In normal case we have to sacrifice few ‘failures’ in our efforts to succeeding in giving up a habit. It is like getting through Indian Government Competitive examinations. Some people succeeds instantly when they take oath to give up their habit. Most of the pledges to give up habit will go at astray.

There are two ways for giving up a habit. Slowly, but steadily we are addicted to habit. In the same way we can give up a habit. Secondly we addicted to habit suddenly like starting drinking when failed in love or something else. We can give up habit suddenly, but to give up suddenly we need formidable self control.

There is no habit in the world can be defined as beyond giving up. All habits can be given up by human effort. All men have the courage and self control to stop a habit. Escalating method is the easy and systematic way to give up any kind of habit at any stage.

Impact of Habit

There are two types are habit in practice. There are good habits and bad habits. Good habits are favorable to the practitioner and Bad habits destroy the practitioner.

Becoming a slave to a good habit is beneficial. We have to find good habits and practice it till we are slave to the habit.

In reality, becoming slave to bad habit is very easy, but giving up is very tough. Giving up a good habit is very easy, but get addicted to good habit is very tough.

Best temperament over habits is get the control over all sorts of habits. We should be able to command our habits to activate and deactivate, this is even applicable to our thought process and thought addictions.

Time Machine can help you to face problems and choices by making you see yourself.

There are many science fiction stories have the plot of Time Machine. With time machine we can travel between times.

But personally I do not believe the concept of time itself. Time does not exits in reality. Time is an illusion. If there is no events, no need for time.

Let us come to time machine. If you are traveling in time machine you go back in the past, you can see yourself. How do your react, what do you speak when you meet yourself.

Can you prepare a questionnaires what would you like to ask or can you guess what your younger version will ask to you. What kind of advice ‘both of you’ will exchange.

If I see my ten year old younger version, I remember what were the situations I faced 10 years back, How did I react. Now I am 32 years old. At 22 years of time my belief cum value system, faith are totally different from what is now. Situation, problems, choices, opportunities, interest, needs are totally different. Both are me (version 22 and version 32). But both are two different persons in many aspects.

The success and failure, comfort and struggles, loses and gains might have sculptured me a lot.

At 22 years old, I made few decisions, selected few choices. Some were right move, and some were wrong move, I realized that later on. Now I know, what was the right decision. But past is past. Let it go.

Even now, I am taking decisions, but only my future version of 42 years old knows the result. I do not bother about the results of my decisions. We can take decision by our experience and knowledge what we have now.

There is no use of knowing the right solution for the wrong decision taken in the past. The knowledge will not help you any way to take decision for a current problem. Similarity of the problems may reduce your tension level but results may differ.

I do not mind my decisions when I was 22 years old. But I concern about my feelings, my mental reflexes to the old problems. The impact of problems over me.

During my 22, I was emotionally imbalanced while facing the problems. I worried too much unnecessarily. I hesitated a lot. I afraid a lot. I was obsessed a lot.

The big problems at 22 years old are not at all a problem now. Problems were problems. I had to take either right or wrong decision. But my emotions were definitely wrong. I could be emotionally balanced. No needed to worry, no needed to be obsessed. No needed to stuff problems to head. Which I realize now. I could have handled the situation calmly. I mean I could be emotionally cool while facing the problems. I could have seen problems easily than assuming the world is going to end.

The importance I gave to the problems was too much, now I realize. I bottle necked many emotions. I could have expressed, which I realize now.

The only feedback I like to give to my ‘past version’, is that he could be normal instead of got tensed to problems and decision making. He should have stop worried. He should not have hesitated. He should not be afraid. He could be emotionally well balanced with a sense of well being in all the circumstance.

Nobody knows what is right or wrong solution to a problem until taking decision. No need to re-write the decisions taken in the past which was wrong later on. But ‘He’ could be cool, steady and stable to the problems he came across. No obsess or no hurry or no guilty feeling in the past.

Now the situation changed in the Time Machine. The ‘future version’ of myself after ten years has come to see me. Myself at 42 years old has come to see my present(32 years old).

As a senior what will be the feedback/advice to me by my ‘Future Version’ after a decade. I too have problems/choices now like my past version at 22 years old. Still I am emotionally imbalanced to my problems and decision making. Still having fear, hesitation, tension, hurry like my old version.

My ‘future version’ will give the same advice, what I have given to my ‘past version’. Because my problems are silly to him. It is good to be balanced, detached from problems,decisions,choices and results. ‘He’ will say to me as ‘Problems are problems, some decision have to be taken. Right or wrong will be known later on. But keep cool and relaxed always’.

Have a dream that you are going to meet your past and your future will meet you. Visualize the advices for the problems, choices you face at different stages of your life by different versions of yourself.

How many of you have come to realize now that if you have expressed your willingness, you could have got many things which you missed in the past.

Guilty conscious is a conflict between our conscious and actions. To get rid off guilty feeling we have to accept the conflict.

We have our expectation about our self. We maintain a sort of self-image and project it to society. Normally our actions are within conscious framework.

When our actions are not matching with the discipline of our conscious, we start having guilty conscious or self anger, and all sort of self-killing.

We have to accept the illusion called conscious. If we try we can change our conscious. If we try we can stop changing our conscious.

Our conscious changes without our awareness and effort. Out internal and external experiences, lessons in life shapes our conscious. If we have awareness about conscious, we can regulate it.

Sometimes, out actions are based on our emotions and hidden stresses. Moreover we are human – an animal with reasoning and logical skill. We have animal/biological urges.

Depending upon our situation and stress level, we may succumb to our emotions and urges. Socially successful people are good at handling their emotions.

Succumbing to emotions, committing mistakes are part of life. As long as we accept our true nature, we will not have guilty conscious. Accept your weakness and strength. Accept your bad and good.

Be aware, we have created our self image and social image. Do not give much importance to it.

Whatever self-image we maintain, we will have hungry. If somebody does wrong to us, we will have angry.

The opportunity to express our emotions will depend on situation, our confidence level, and various context.

If our emotions are not worthy of conscious we are in, we may try to suppress it or wait for an opportunity to express it without spoiling our social/self image.

If the emotions are strong as stress it does not care the conscious/self image. It find its way to ventilate. Later, we will have guilty conscious for it.

Sometime, other people try to inject guilty feeling. Never never never succumb to suck trap. Guilty conscious by any source is meaning less.

If you accept yourself exactly as you are, you will realize that it is foolish to have guilty feeling for any thing.

We should not stick to your social/self image too much. Self image is subjective to the ‘consistent situation’ we repeatedly have.
We should not feel for our actions if it violates our conscious.

Guilty conscious is a self torture. It is a semi suicide. Accept the difference between how do you like to be and how you are actually. How others are expecting you to be and how you can be. You will never have guilty conscious.

You can not satisfy everybody, but you can satisfy yourself.